Thursday, August 22, 2013

From the Kitchen Slave

Dear Kitchen Overseer,

I put up with getting 7am texts telling me about how I screwed up cleaning the kitchen.  I put up with your mini me acting like he was the greatest in the world and I was worthless.  I put up with all of your stupid policies and terrible hours.

People had come and gone, I'd stayed.  I was willing to get home at 4am and never see my wife.  I was willing to put up with always having fewer hours than everyone else.  I even did the random dish shift without complaining.

You screwed up when you fired me.

Especially because you fired me for stealing when the stuff in question never left the building. 

Double especially because I'm friends with some of your providers. 

And guess what, now they know exactly why I don't work there anymore.

I know they won't put up with that kind of bullshit.

Your Former Kitchen Slave

Locked in the Dish Pit

Dear Asshole Owner,

You kept me locked in the dish pit.  You fired me when I asked about working in another location.

The only good thing you ever did for me was berate me and give me so much more shit than I'll get anywhere else that no other kitchen can crack me.

Where I'm working now I had 1 day of my new boss giving me shit to see if I could handle it.  He mentioned how well I took it.  I told him that I used to work for you.

Haven't had any tests again because you are the worst in town.

Your Old Whipping Boy

Dear Store,

Dear Gadget Place,

Go to Hell.

Now that that's out of the way, let move on.

You hired me to work in the department that would have been the best fit for me.  Then I'm told I'm switching to probably the worst department for me.  Then I show up for initial training stuff and I'm back in the good department.

I get a schedule, and things are ready to go.  Then the trouble started.

You screwed me out of another part time job because they didn't like the availability I had after that initial schedule.  Then when you switched me I had 1/4 the hours.

You put me through Hell getting me trained for Tax Free Weekend.

That was about a month ago.  I've worked 3 days since Tax Free.  I could have had 4, but you wanted me on Sunday and called me on Friday to make that happen. 

Unfortunately for you, I picked up work with a caterer.  I'm getting hours there, and $2 an hour more with raises coming whenever the owner feels like it instead of on some corporate mandated schedule.

As long as you don't schedule me, I'm not quiting.  I like the employee discount.  I like the bonus I'll get because other people are doing their job. 

But you are all sacks of crap. 

I'll be quiting at most a few days before my next scheduled shift.  Probably the day before.  I'm not totally evil, but you screwed me over first.  I feel no loyalty for places like that.

So again, go to Hell. 

The Guy You Hired And Never Scheduled

Dear Friends,

This letter is obscenely petty, which is why it isn't being sent.

Okay.  My boyfriend and I are good friends of you both.  I don't hang out with you as much as I'd like, since I've been really busy with work.  But he's constantly with you guys, and we've done a lot of cool stuff together. We're both members of the same social circle, you had us over for orphan Christmas, and I thought we were really tight?

So why didn't we get invited over last Tuesday?

People that you know less got invited to whatever you did last week.  People that you have actual drama with got invited. My boyfriend and I have been good friends to you, and we don't have any drama that I can think of... why not us?  Are we not as good friends as I thought?

I guess I'm taking this as an exclusion because of my baggage... I was really hoping to start fresh since I came to my new city this year, and I've cut ties with a lot of people that haven't been good friends to me in the past. I know we don't have boatloads of shared history, but we have been on good terms since we met last summer, and we've done a lot together.  I really thought I put the past behind me, but I guess I have to unpack this baggage if I'm ever going to be okay with this.  I guess I'd just like a reason why I'm no longer in the loop.

I'm glad you won't be reading this, or if you do, you won't know it's you, because who wants to feel like they've been targeted for something that's probably not even about them? I know I'll get over it, but I'm just feeling a little raw.


Thursday, August 8, 2013

Dear Rescue Organization,

I am so thankful for you.

So far, I have gotten two cats from you, and they are the light of my life.

When Azzycat was six months old, he had been neglected to the point where his coat was like brillo, his whiskers were broken off, and he was the size that my girlcat Asuka was at three months.  He's almost five now, and he went from being a sad scrap of screaming, squirming little man into being a sweet, snuggly, handsome cat. He's so sociable and gentle that nobody would have guessed he was a rescue.

N7 Infiltrator just came home, but my god, is she a good cat.  She's busy and happy and purry and playful, even though at four years old, she's a tiny kitty. I'm blessed to have her in my life, and I feel like she was instantly part of the family. Even though she was neglected and abused, she is still willing to take a chance, and I am grateful she chose us as her family.

I hope you keep doing what you do, and I'm forever grateful that I encountered your rescue. You gave me two of my babies, and their price is beyond rubies.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Dearest Customers,

You seem to be unclear on a few points of how retail stores work.  I want to clarify them for your edification, and perhaps we will not have to have this argument again.

1)  I can only check inventory for MyBrand stores.  I make no guarantee of knowing what competitor stores carry, because I don't shop there, I shop at MyBrand so I can A) contribute to store sales and B) have educated responses on MyProduct.  I make no guarantee of how competitor products work. We are in a MyBrand store. I am paid by MyBrand to get you to buy MyBrand. I don't know what the Other Store Down The Road has. I have no computer access to the Other Store Down The Road. I'm not paid to call Other Store Down The Road and find things out for you.

2) I hold very little merchandise "in the back". Mostly because it's a postage stamp, and also, because I want to sell what we have to you. My goal is to get ALL THE THINGS into your hands, your homes, and out of your wallet.

3) We're not friends. I don't want to date you. I'm paid to take your money and make you feel good about it. Most of you are pleasant and help keep this job enjoyable. Some of you think my smile means anything more than "buy something." That's not how this works.

4) If you find an associate to be "pushy", all you have to do is say "No" or "No Thanks" or "I'm good" or anything else that means you won't be taking the product. We are tasked to add on and upsell. The company wants us to add on and upsell. We can get fired for not adding on or upselling. Also, it works. Just say no, I won't take it personally or make it awkward, I will move on. I might try something else, because I have to, but you can say no to that too. It's only as awful as you make it.

5) #4 goes triple for store cards, preferred-customer programs, giving phone numbers or email addresses or zip codes or any of it. Just say no and move on.

6) When it's closing time, finish up what you're shopping for and get out. You're draining our payroll by keeping us attending to you especially if you don't give us any return on investment.

7) I know you'd probably shop here more if your kid worked here, or if you worked here. Please stop calling to get a job. We take applications, review applications, and then the manager interviews and hires. The manager has never been badgered into hiring. The manager is actually quietly sadistic and enjoys it when crazy people demand jobs. She also doesn't want to get sued so she gives no information over the phone except when she's calling to offer someone.

8) You really don't need to apologize for your shopping behavior. If you spend a bunch of money, browse around more, and then spend a half-a-bunch money more in 20 minutes, I am not going to refuse the transaction. Do what you're going to do, as long as you're out by close.

9)  But be aware, I'm not your servant. I'm a salesperson. The only difference between me and a used-car salesman is that I don't have any cars in my store. I may be ringing you up, but I am not here to play step-n-fetch, personal assistant, or cleaning lady. My business is selling MyBrand, not picking up your two-year-old's cheerios.

I hope this clears up a little bit for you.